13.10.11

finally wiping the slate clean

I had a go at rewriting my "about me" but I don't want it on my side bar. So I'll post it here and then start fresh, as a woman age 38 on her own with three children at home, having just sold our family home and all our old dreams along with it:
"I'm a keen gardener and creator, motivated mainly by the need to provide my large family with fresh healthy food. I created the garden and life of my dreams as my relationship destroyed me and my family with dis - ease.
My life has been tarnished by domestic abuse. I allowed it to happen.
Now I find myself at 38 starting over, having been displaced from the family home by New Zealand law which provides for a man to be entitled to the equity in his home no matter what the circumstances are.
My children have had the support of wonderful family and community as well as skilled Councillors and youth workers.
My older blog posts paint a picture of contentment, and for the most part I fooled myself that I was content, I avoided others in an effort to hide what was going on, I pretended things were all "hunky dory", but they weren't and the physical and emotional pain manifested itself with physical symptoms all too often.
So read my archives bearing in mind that they helped me escape and build strength and confidence, I discovered myself as I wrote and got feedback from my contacts all over the world.
I am still me, I share less but grow happier with every day.

12 comments:

Cat said...

I've sat here for the last 15 minutes wondering what to say what to type xxx no words xxx an understanding, a deep understanding, except when I left there were no children involved.
My son flew down to Motueka today to be with my Mother -
I wish you and your children all the very best on your new venture xxx

Gillybean said...

Thanks Cat, I don't know what to say either, except thank GOD I escaped alive and sane. I hope your son enjoys Motueka, it is beautiful.

Ange said...

Oh love!! Brave stuff, putting that out there, for a start. And even braver stuff, getting through it all and coming this far with your family and wits intact. xxx

Fionn said...

You bless us all with your posts Gilly. Best wishes for everything ahead of you. So glad you are experiencing more joy.

tartankiwi said...

A brave post. I wanted to write a message of support, but like Cat find myself lost for words- hugs x
Here's to a shinier future!

Christy said...

Hi Gilly,

I knew by reading between the lines that all was not right with you. That you were going through difficult times. All this emotional trauma takes it's toll on one, physically and psychologically, it rocks one to the core. Plus you are responsible for three beings and yourself.

Having gone through a great trauma myself, all I can say it it takes time to heal. But eventually you will come to equilibrium and feel joy in life again on a consistent bases.

My thoughts are with you.

Christy
Lil Bit Brit

Gillybean said...

Thanks guys, these things are in my past now and just form part of who I am today. After keeping secrets for many years I now own what I have been through including the mistakes I made along the way. Life is marvelous now. Always challenging, but in a good way.

Frances said...

I'm thinking of you Gilly! I've enjoyed reading your blog for years and would never have guessed what was going on in the background.

I barely blog anymore, as I don't particularly want to put all my angst out there, of which there is a lot at the moment.

All the best xx

Tracy said...

Take care. Your writing always inspires me and it these honest posts about even a little bit of what is really happening in someone's life that makes a blog authentic.
I hope that things get better and better and that you can have new dreams to look forward to.
Tracy

Ruth said...

It's brave of you to be able to take that step, and even more so to share it with us here. I know it must hurt to leave the family home - I hope there is a beautiful home and garden in your future.
Kia kaha.

Nikki Elisabeth said...

Hey Gilly,
You're a brave and inspiring woman. Pleased to see you're coming out the other side of a long and drawn out battle.
Have you found a new place to plant a fresh garden?
xo

Mrs D said...

Hi, I just discovered your blog and I so admire your honesty to write about you life and your strength to have moved away from that pain. Your gardening skills are amazing! Thanks so much for sharing. I hope you have a lovely lovely christmas xxx