30.3.14

My poor neglected blog.

This blog feels like it was created a lifetime ago in a different reality. I was a stay at home Mum with time to indulge in my hobbies and passions. I wrote about them to connect with others and to have a voice because mine had been stifled and devalued for so long. What a lot I gained from my experience, as I wrote I developed confidence in myself and learned skills that were going to come in handy over the next few years. My life is so different now than when I blogged here. It crossed my mind as I shopped at 5pm for tonight's dinner, I gabbed per-prepared chicken (not organic) and buns made of white bread and covered with sugary sticky stuff for the kids lunches. I realised the commitments I have now and the path I am on have led me to compromise my values. This is probably why I struggle to feel contented with what I am doing at times. I am in the third year of my Bachelor of Teaching and Learning. I'm in the middle of placement with Year 1 and 2 students and I love going to school every day. BUT for the last five weeks I have spent my entire weekends in my room, planning assessing, marking, and evaluating while my kids feed and entertain themselves. I cant help but know that I'm never going to get these years back with my kids. PJ is 12 and the red head is 8, they have grown so much and we are not having any wonderful adventures or experiences like we use to. Skatey is 17 and I hardly ever see him, he's into downhill mountain biking and is really independent. He's at home long enough each day to eat and shower, but when I need him to help out with the younger ones he does. I'm really sad about my "teen" as I use to refer to him. He's 20 now and we parted company last year after disagreeing about the rules and responsibilities in my home. When I say we parted company I mean I kicked him out to get a dose of reality and he hasn't talked to me since. So I thought maybe I should end this blog, archive or delete it. Then as I wrote I started thinking it's ok, I'm changing, evolving and facing different challenges, why shouldn't I continue to keep this record. I don't know if I will write much going forward, but this is my journey and my place to keep sharing.
I thought for today I would share something in the spirit of my old blog and the things that excite and inspire me. Over Christmas I sat with my ankle up recovering from an ankle reconstruction, we did however get to have one adventure before school started again. I was inspired by some guys at Pakawau beach where we stayed who used a homemade kontiki to catch snapper. It was amazingly simple and caught a good feed. You send it off the beach with the wind and 25 baited hooks. A barley sugar lolly acts as a timer and when it melts it drops and anchor and flips the vessel around. After and hour or so you reel it in to reveal your catch. I have no doubt a good handy man like my ex husband could build one of these, it just takes a bit of kiwi ingenuity. Here's an article I found if you are keen to give it a go. Ka kite ano. Gilly

1 comment:

Christy said...

Dear Gilly, life never Stands still some things are good, and other changes one has no power over and you just have to take the ride, good or bad. Almost three years ago I had to go out to work full time, before that I only ever Worked part time and I am sixty this year. I understand about lost time with ones children, Rob is twenty this year and these last few years I would have liked to spend time with him have whizzed by, but I have done my best as I know you have and you can do no more.

Take care,
Christy