My poor neglected blog.
This blog feels like it was created a lifetime ago in a different reality. I was a stay at home Mum with time to indulge in my hobbies and passions. I wrote about them to connect with others and to have a voice because mine had been stifled and devalued for so long. What a lot I gained from my experience, as I wrote I developed confidence in myself and learned skills that were going to come in handy over the next few years. My life is so different now than when I blogged here. It crossed my mind as I shopped at 5pm for tonight's dinner, I gabbed per-prepared chicken (not organic) and buns made of white bread and covered with sugary sticky stuff for the kids lunches. I realised the commitments I have now and the path I am on have led me to compromise my values. This is probably why I struggle to feel contented with what I am doing at times. I am in the third year of my Bachelor of Teaching and Learning. I'm in the middle of placement with Year 1 and 2 students and I love going to school every day. BUT for the last five weeks I have spent my entire weekends in my room, planning assessing, marking, and evaluating while my kids feed and entertain themselves. I cant help but know that I'm never going to get these years back with my kids. PJ is 12 and the red head is 8, they have grown so much and we are not having any wonderful adventures or experiences like we use to. Skatey is 17 and I hardly ever see him, he's into downhill mountain biking and is really independent. He's at home long enough each day to eat and shower, but when I need him to help out with the younger ones he does. I'm really sad about my "teen" as I use to refer to him. He's 20 now and we parted company last year after disagreeing about the rules and responsibilities in my home. When I say we parted company I mean I kicked him out to get a dose of reality and he hasn't talked to me since. So I thought maybe I should end this blog, archive or delete it. Then as I wrote I started thinking it's ok, I'm changing, evolving and facing different challenges, why shouldn't I continue to keep this record. I don't know if I will write much going forward, but this is my journey and my place to keep sharing. article I found if you are keen to give it a go. Ka kite ano. Gilly