finally wiping the slate clean

I had a go at rewriting my "about me" but I don't want it on my side bar. So I'll post it here and then start fresh, as a woman age 38 on her own with three children at home, having just sold our family home and all our old dreams along with it:
"I'm a keen gardener and creator, motivated mainly by the need to provide my large family with fresh healthy food. I created the garden and life of my dreams as my relationship destroyed me and my family with dis - ease.
My life has been tarnished by domestic abuse. I allowed it to happen.
Now I find myself at 38 starting over, having been displaced from the family home by New Zealand law which provides for a man to be entitled to the equity in his home no matter what the circumstances are.
My children have had the support of wonderful family and community as well as skilled Councillors and youth workers.
My older blog posts paint a picture of contentment, and for the most part I fooled myself that I was content, I avoided others in an effort to hide what was going on, I pretended things were all "hunky dory", but they weren't and the physical and emotional pain manifested itself with physical symptoms all too often.
So read my archives bearing in mind that they helped me escape and build strength and confidence, I discovered myself as I wrote and got feedback from my contacts all over the world.
I am still me, I share less but grow happier with every day.

Magic of the tide

Yep that was me all wet suited up. What a blast, I think it was the best summer the kids and I have ever had.

All the darkness is gone. We found fun, joy, adventure and silliness. I found a little too much and wrecked my ankle on a rope swing. But hey it served to remind me my body is not 18 any more even if I feel that way.

I didn't garden or write or knit.
I got to know a whole other me, I remember her from very long ago and I like her alot!

Whanau embrace

I get the sense that folk who take the time to stop and read the ramblings here regularly, value their Grandparents, Great Aunts, Uncles and parents as much as I do. I miss my Grandmother so much at every significant stage in my life, for her wisdom and unconditional love. She was so cutely thrifty and always our strongest advocate. She saved EVERYTHING! She made notepads from recycled envelopes and saved every stamp that arrived through her letterbox, she recycled wrapping paper and mended woolen singlets until they resembled only the crosshatching of her mending.
Never touch her sewing scissors.
Put the nail scissors back in her desk.
Borrow books but return them,
don't sniff,
there's no such word as can't,
have a biscuit from the tin and make a cuppa with sucral or half a sugar.

She saved shoes and clothes from the 50's, records, letters and bottled cherries from Unca in Blenheim. Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Sailor, Rich man, Poor man, Beggar man,Thief.
Grandchildren do dishes,
table is set with side plates. Manners.
I'm not sure her EIGHT children actually know how significant she was to her grandchildren. We grew up like a family of 16, seeing each other almost every holiday and then for many of us living with her in our teenage years. When I had my first baby she settled him to sleep in her antique pram like a pro after I complained and cried that I couldn't settle him. She taught me how to wash woollens and put all his nappies through the wringer and onto the line to dry in the sun.
(She told me she loved to see babies nappies on the line to dry and wished she'd had twins like one of the neighbours did)
Her oldest great grandchild turns 18 in a week or so.
M she absolutely adored you! She thrived on making you mouilied veges and collecting you from kindy when she was caring for you.
My cousin is visiting from the UK at the moment and seeing her reminds me so much of growing up in that secure Whanau embrace. We haven't seen each other for several years but it is like we just talked yesterday.
(So good to see you P. If I win the lotto I'll be at your wedding with bells on!!!!!)
My children too relish in the family embrace.

As we did before them, the 2nd cousins bonded over Grandma's Taipo game and "tag" outside in the dark!!

Yay for a day without the distraction of technology.

Hello Jase, Ryan, Leeanne, Alison, Oli, Sam, Robin, Prue, Dave, Ellie, Rhys, Kate, Steph, Marty and Bruce.

5

I'm missing my beautifully cuddly boy. Happy Birthday to the angel Gabriel ..................................

Granny is a tank, I'm a nana

The boys refer to Granny as a tank.
It's a compliment because, boy is she tough!

Granny rode a Harley Davidson when she was my age. I tagged along to Canan Downs Rally and Canvas town. I was 17 and remember there was quite a bit of mischief. Thank goodness that was before Internet, digital cameras and U tube.

She wisely left me behind for the Brass Monkey.

She didn't need a man to fix her car, or a plumber to fix the pump or to clear a bloody blocked drain!

Her life storey would be worth writing and I only know the half of it.

These day she's nearly 60 and can still wield a chainsaw!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With all the Autumn rain a tree fell down at school and at the neighbours. At our house the plum tree took on a serious lean. Granny took several heavy limbs off with her chainsaw. (I freaked out like a Nana). We tried to save some of the tree because I think it pollinates the other plum. Skatey will have to build a new tree hut and hopefully silver leaf will not find it's way into those big cuts.

Winter is here

Tummy Time Mat

I spent yesterday making a "tummy time" mat for a friend who is expecting a baby soon. I used vintage flannelette fabrics from my Grandmas era and combined more recent Kiwiana themed prints to suit the special baby. My friend has been great support to me during the past year so I focused on sewing blessings in for her and the new babe as I worked.

I loathe walkers, bouncers and activity centres for babies. I think colourful textured tummy time mats are perfect for growth and development in the early stages. I'm going to make a few more of them so I can gift them to the other expectant mothers I know. Perfect use of all those lovely fabrics I've been collecting for so long too.

Surrounded by a family embrace

Well they say something about how you can't choose your family. I'm glad you can't because I couldn't have picked better myself.

I've got two little brothers. Apparently I was a terrible older sister when I was small, if you believe the stories the "Fabulous Aunt's" tell. I can't remember having tantrums like Pj does, or being separated from my young cousins for their own safety! I do remember chasing them with Wetas and telling stories of ghosts in my Grandma's house and of course how we told the youngest brother that the ugly painting in the hallway was "the big Eughh" and could scare the living daylights out of him at the mere mention of the fictional monster. Dad use to warn me though when I was scratching and pulling at the boys hair to be careful that one day they'd grow up bigger than me. He's not wrong, my two little brothers stand now at 6ft2in and 6ft4in. Lucky for me they both grew up to love their big (short) sister.

My littlest brother is visiting from Adelaide with his wife and two adorable little boys. It's brilliant having two extra adults around who care for my kids almost as much as I do. The big boys have adored having their Uncle, who's a big kid at heart, to play sport and swim with, while I appreciate a sister in law or Auntie to my kids who's much cooler than me but tells one of them not to moan "just get off your butt and get a job if you want something"

I watch their two wee boys for glimpses of my little brother and admire how gentile, sweet and full of mischief they are.

The extended family came for a shared meal to celebrate their arrival. It's just magic how three generations of brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, Mums, Dads, cousins, friends and a few second cousins once removed, create a joy full energy when gathered together. Shared food from many gardeners, meat grown ethically by family, fish from the neighbour, blackberries discovered around our garden with a promise of potting up some cuttings, tall tales and reminiscences all create a picture of "family" in early Autumn here tonight.

From my garden:

I harvested Maori potatoes for my contribution, making a completely sustainable, organic potato salad. The end result tasted better than it photographed.

Our Agricultural and Pastorial Show

The kids had prize winning peas and Broad (fava) beans with their dinner tonight. I reminded them on several occasion's that they were the best in the district. (Tongue in cheek) Though the "red head" still didn't eat what was on his plate. He did appreciate the fish that the neighbour gave us. I text my Dad to gloat and he quipped "just as well for you I didn't have anything entered" Garden rivalry runs strong in our family!!! Makes it all the more worth the hard work.

I got up early this morning and carefully selected my best vegetables for the Agricultural and Pastoral Show. My organic peas and Beans took "first" from the old fellas who entered almost every vegetable category. My mixed collection of no less than 8 varieties didn't place, which made me all the more determined for next year.

Entering the A and P show is very "Nana" but I really enjoy it. I have missed it the past two years but set my alarm today to enter even though I really could have done with a weekend sleep in. My handcrafts also scored two seconds and two thirds making me determined to have another crack at the Nana knitters again next year.

Our little local show is great, but nothing to compare to the ones held in large New Zealand farming communities. We went with my Dad, in my (only daughters') opinion- the best farmer in the world, every year to the A and P show in the Wairarapa. It was about 5 times the size of our little Motueka show and featured real stud animals and serious farming business. Of course I was a pretty stuck up farmers' daughter when I moved here, and anything less than about 1,500 acres was a hobby farm. ( Tongue in cheek again) I honestly do remember laughing to myself at kids who said their fathers were farmers on 250 acres. I am so glad that life did take the path it did as I don't think I would have liked myself much if I had continued to be that person with those attitudes.

I do remember so fondly though those Solway Park shows with fantastic Rams, Bulls and Roosters in the 70's. The handcraft sheds were full of beautiful homespun crafts, making an awe inspiring impression on little Gilly, while the animal sheds had angora rabbits, cashmere goats and merino lambs.

Shearing displays in Masterton, the home of Golden Shears were of course supreme. A few seasons in a shearing shed as a Rousie will always remain the best of my youth. Try it, hard pysical work throwing fleeces all day, skin covered in fresh Lanolin, music and laughter, you can't beat it. Good people and good money, it's nearly the perfect lifestyle job for a teenager in my opinion.

Today my Pj loved the piglets the most. She said to me "Mum remember when I asked you for a little piglet pet?' I love piggies too. The miniature Schnauzer puppies stole my heart as well.

All memories and moments making for a pretty awesome day. Never mind the rain, farmers and gardeners LOVE it!

Miss my boy

Skatey is away at school camp. The "red head" and I are missing him alot, I think Willow the Jack Russel is missing him the most (no one warm to sleep with)

Skatey will be 13 tomorrow. I remember about his birth and infancy more vaguely than the others as I had post natal depression. He was overdue. The week before he was born I had a nasty fall when I went out to hang the washing, I also had a terrible tummy bug which the Dr thought should have bought on his labour. We'd had some late concerns about his growth rate and when I went to see the Dr on a Friday, he told me if he hasn't come by Monday we're going to do a "sweep." Now that didn't sound too good to me so when Sunday night rolled around and there was no sign of the boy I walked two rounds of the Ngatimoti School field. That didn't work, so we drove to town and walked up and down the Mot beach. Still not working so we went round and round the Memorial rose garden. If my memory serves me rightly I think I might have helped myself to a gypsophilia cutting.

Thankfully at 5am the next morning things started to happen. His Dad went to work. I carried on till about 9am and then decided I was too scared to be alone. There was a horrible bull in the paddock that bordered our house and he kept roaring at me as he'd done in the final weeks of pregnancy. I sneaked down to the shed where the 1968, red family Datsun was parked. At the time the teen was 3 years old and I drove he and myself to town about 25kms, to where my Mum lived. No cell phones in those days, quite a scary ride down the Valley stopping on the roadside on my own with a preschooler for contractions. Poor Mum freaked out as I laboured at her place, I think eventually we called my partner home from work and got to the birthing centre at about 12.30pm.

His was a very intense labour from then on and he was born at about 1.30pm weighing 9lb2oz. Towards the end it was fast and very freaky.

After that is a total blur except for rain outside the window and a beautiful pink rose in flower.
He was a good daytime sleeper for about 6 weeks but feed alot at night.

He was the baby I shared with my precious Grandma. Driving to town in the Datsun with no heater in winter and stalling at the intersections because the timing was out. Before he was born I sat on her sofa, knitting, chatting and choosing antique baby clothes. Afterwards I dropped the teen at Playcentre and raced around to Grandmas place. She was always waiting with chocolate biscuits in her tin and books in the white cabinet if I wanted to borrow some. I made her a cup of tea and we talked for two hours about life and the goings on of all the rellies till I reluctantly left for clean up time at Playcentre. Skatey entertained us as we sat, she popped him in her old cane pram and then when he got older she bought out her antique toys and puzzles for him to play with.
Happy Birthday to my Skatey tomorrow. I wish my Grandma had lived to see how awesome he is.
I'm now going to make the never fail Chocolate birthday cake with walnuts,
to surprise him we'll have the day off and drive out to camp tomorrow. (hope they are having eel for tea)
XX

Moist Chocolate cake.
(Never failed in 15 years)
4oz butter
2 eggs
2tsp baking powder,
2 cups flour
1tsp baking soda
1 and 1/2 cups sugar
1 and 1/2 cups milk
2 dsps golden syrup
2 Tbsp Cocoa

Cream butter and sugar, then add eggs one at a time. Then flour, baking powder and cocoa sifted.
Warm golden syrup in milk with baking soda.
Then combine with dry ingredients.
Creates quite a wet mixture. Stir to combine, pour into greased square tin and bake for about 1 hr at 190 degrees Celsius. Ice with Chocolate icing and decorate with walnuts.

Self sufficiency project

Living on just under half and acre of land clearly we'll never be truly self sufficient but I'm practicing in case my circumstances change. I dreamed, but wouldn't have guessed 15 years ago as we were traveling and living in a 1963 house bus that we'd be home owners now, so..... you never know.

I've updated my side bars to reflect what's happening in the garden. I reckon if L and I were retired we might be able to live out of our garden. I'd long for meat and fresh milk though. I grew up on 2000 acres so we ate lamb nearly all year round with fresh pork,beef crayfish and paua for a bit of variety, we didn't know how lucky we were. My Dad even kept beehives and we fished for eel and trout in the river. At my Mums side I learned how to spin wool and knit, dye using plants and sew my own clothes. They gave us an unforgettable childhood to which I'm truly grateful and wish I could provide to my own kids. They have everything but the space and security that I was raised with.

What we're eating fresh:broad beans, eggs, silver beet, lettuce, peas, spring onions, carrots, asparagus, grapefruit, oranges, lemons

What we're eating from stores:berry jams, pumpkins, potatoes, frozen berries, frozen tomatoes

What's still growing: strawberries, carrots, garlic, asparagus, broccoli, cauli, cabbage, onions, peas, giant red mustard, kale, tomatoes, cucumber, corn, celery, capsicum, sunflowers, potatoes, yams, kumara, beetroot, pumpkins

Seeds sown recently: chili, beans, more corn,

Herbs growing: fennel, basil, parsley, Korean mint, mint, sorrel, tansy, mother wort, mug wort, hypericum, Valerian, lemon balm, lemon verbena, dill, caraway, echinacea, elecampane, horseradish, comfrey, bay tree, sage, white sage, tansy and weeds

Fruit trees, vines and bushes: Plums, blackboy, golden queen and white flesh peaches, apricots, cherry, mulberry, elderberry, figs, lemon, grapefruit, mandarin, orange, hazelnuts, fejoias, thorn less blackberry, boysenberry, blueberries,red and yellow raspberries, red and black currants, nashi, nectarine, home grafted apple- "golden delicious", " Hetlina" apple, mini kiwifruit, prune plum, red skinned pear.



GO GARDEN!!!